WHY?

WHY?

The simple, monosyllable title today is actually profound and deserves its own discussion.  I think there are at least 2 major issues regarding why mentor.  The first is a motivation that you have already experienced, or you wouldn't be reading this right now.  That is referred to as altruism.  Many people have a need to look after the good of the community, of specific individuals.  Whether it be a new trainee needing experience in a specific skill, or a disadvantaged person who lacks direction, the mentor role is essentially giving to someone, often for no monetary reward.  There must be a very valuable satisfaction that comes from that.  Since we are not born precocious, like the baby chick or colt born able to walk, people must be nurtured over a very extensive period of time for proper development.  In my case I am very grateful for people who have influenced me in my life quest.  It is usually not a random person or average teacher filling that role.  There are specific individuals I have judged to excel in some life role, often who have reached out to me and been an inspiration.  Less often they have imparted specific knowledge or provided consistent didactic input.  This is not the mentor experience I have routinely sought.  It is more the role of an authority figure who has taken an interest and given me the gift of positive regard, respect, and faith in my abilities which provides a strong impetus for me to strive for positive self development.

The second rationale for mentoring is the great need for this role in our society, already alluded to above.  If half the people in the world are above average, there is just as large a proportion who are below this benchmark.  They may be lost in some way, forgotten, not revered.  I marvel at the potential that each individual has to be molded in a positive direction in subtle or overt and (appropriately) authoritarian ways.  Since these goals values are relative and personal, It is wise to be discriminate when selecting the mentee.  Does the individual display a great deal of motivation and drive?  Is the mentee compatible, and able to use motivational tools for positive self development?  Is there a basic human understanding between mentor and mentee, free from  temporary disqualifiers like illness or addiction?

Realize that your decision to become a mentor will be a great challenge, of great value and unpredictability.  Good luck and with your endeavor and seek support, advice, and strive for superior results both in yourself and your student.

Ethics

www.mentoring.org/downloads/mentoring_561.doc‎

I have attached a link to "Mentor Guidelines and Code of Conduct" from the California Governor’s Mentoring Partnership.  After reading this document I realized that it speaks for itself.  It pertains to mentoring of children.  This blog is more oriented to mentorship of adults, but the same principles apply in many cases.  The California program seems to be aimed at youth who are challenged in some way.  Always with children there is a special responsibility because it is not a peer relationship.  The adult has a power position that brings with it a great deal of need for very appropriate mentor role modeling.  One quote especially gives a very fair and results-oriented summary of what is expected:

"Don’t try to be teacher, parent, disciplinarian, therapist, Santa Claus or babysitter. Experience demonstrates it is counterproductive to assume roles other than a dependable, consistent friend."

The difference with adult mentees is that there is a lot more power parity.  Both parties are able to act with their own authority.  A mentee who is an adult comes to the relationship voluntarily and with significant motivation.  Also they have expectations and often specific goals in mind.

The similarity though, is the potential that the mentee has to grow and achieve new knowledge and capabilities.  This potential should be viewed without limitations.  Of course we all have limitations, but many of them are arbitrary and more of a temporary block or barrier to success than a real weakness.  There is nothing that compares to the feeling of achieving more than one expects, which is not only an end in itself but also demonstrates to the mentee that hard work, self confidence, and appropriate risk taking can result in outstanding satisfaction and achievement.  Since it is a shared endeavor, the mentor can take pride in the accomplishments of the mentee.  In the spirit of the "Mentor Guidelines," this pride is usually not boastful or even outwardly expressed in any way.  Maybe the greatest reward is the humanity of working for the good of another person.  While many mentor relationships are compensated monitarily, and many are not, what is achieved is actually priceless.

Mentor 001 part 2

What to do with your negative attribute list

On the prior post, I wrote down some negative attributes that have been known to afflict and detract from would be mentors.  Should you address these early on, to help advance your progress in mentoring?  Absolutely!  For example, suppose you have decided that down deep you are actually lazy and cannot be a mentor because you don't have the drive, will, or desire to get up and learn something that might be of value to your mentee.  Let's confront that right now and dispel any barrier to your success.  Each negative attribute that you might be bashing yourself with daily in a bath of rotten compost can be handled in the following manner.

First, realize that you could not be 100% lazy, despite your internal messages to the contrary.  Also there is likely a reason that you sometimes cannot do what you gotta do.  It is likely a habit or a defense mechanism.

We all have habits that allow us to act somewhat naturally and automatically.  Hopefully throughout life we have cultivated a number of good habits too and will continue to do that with intention.  The bad habits are just as ingrained as say, washing your hands before you eat.  You are going to have to write down your goal for overcoming your inertia in this case.  You are going to have to get in touch with the batteries that have been losing charge over the months and years, and plug them into the wall and turn on the juice.  Start with better eating.  Add a dose of daily exercise.  I cannot emphasize enough the need to walk, ride a stationary bike, do some mild interval training, and generally just get educated about your physical needs.  In school they call it phys ed.  As a graduate of your esteemed institute of book knowledge, you can still pick up some pointers from people you know who are in to this.  You need them to teach you this so make the call right now.

The other attributes, like anger, weakness, chronic pain, and selfishness can be similarly attacked one by one.  Spend time, but not too much time because you don't want to emphasize the negative crap too much.  Just schedule a little self improvement every day, then when you're finished, go on to your mentoring learning.

Another possibility is that these negative attributes are a defense mechanism.  Maybe you don't have a great physical capacity and you have learned subconsciously that you are not Charles Atlas.  You cannot compete for Miss World or Mr. Universe.  But realize that you have some limitations that are not absolute.  Don't hurt yourself, but do what you can.  Be the best YOU that you can be.

Why mentor?

Why mentor?
In a word, to GROW.  Do you want to grow, and what does that mean?  I'd like to hear your take on that (post a comment) and let's get a lively discussion going.  I anticipate that no one would argue against this premise.  You who have a vague emptiness, who feel weak, tired, in pain.  Feel unskilled, unloved, dead.  What is a good coin flip for this state?  Grow! 

Then comes the hard part.  How do you do that, do you just find your mentee and then you are a certified mentor?  No, please start with yourself.  You will have to do a self assessment, but be kind to yourself.  Don't put down anything negative on your list of your attributes.  You are trying to create something, not promote the status quo.

If you have any problem starting this off, you can make a checklist and put a mark by every good trait that applies or did apply to you (to be resurrected) from the suggestions below:

1. Earnest
2. Trustworthy
3. Honest
4. Loving
5. Kind
6. Objective
7. Smart
8. Strong
9. Attractive
10. Young
11. Old
12. Middle aged
13. Energetic
14. Analytic
15. Empathetic
16. Altruistic

If you don't have any marks for this list, be warned: continued reading of this blog will result in some changes, my friend.  You want to be a mentor, don't you?

I didn't put the following tools on the list because they are advanced:

1. Self absorbed
2. Self critical
3. Selfish
4. Disappointed
5. Weak
6. Tired
7. Angry
8. Resentful

Wait until you have exhausted all positive options before going to the negative.  They may have their place, but I'm not sure how to work them in yet.  I'm learning too.

Be a mentor

The blog that you are reading is about the art and science of mentoring.  I would define mentoring as "contributing to the skills and knowledge of a specific for subject someone else, who has less experience."

In my opinion, the best mentors are just that, the best at what they do.  If you are probably in the top 10% of skill in a particular area, then you are a great candidate to be a mentor.  What would motivate you to do this?  Fortunately it is a universal theme that has aided the progress of civilization over the centuries.  Tradesmen, scholars, educators, and professionals have generally gotten to the minimum level of proficiency with this type of one-on-one coaching or teaching.

Do you remember your 6th grade teacher, the one that was not really sharp and did not really motivate you? Were they actually a negative influence in your education?  This teacher may have not really had a firm grasp of their field or did not learn to interact well with others.  Also many folks do not empathize well, don't like to interact with people who are "green",  or have much patience.  But if that teacher, perhaps a failed mentor herself, had had the proper guidance from a senior staff member, principle or other mentor, they could have improved and left a more favorable memory for their former students.

However, one of the greatest callings, one of the prime purposes for our being here, is to contribute to the greater good.  You can add value to your workplace or your community through mentoring.  There is some skill that you have or could develop that would enable you not only to grow, but to nurture the growth and development of another person.  In writing this blog, I'm trying to accomplish just that.  My pledge is that I will learn to mentor and be the best at it that I can be, while instilling some of what I learn on my blog readers.  I encourage this to be interactive, so that you can practice your own mentoring skills and be a force for developing the Mentor Factory.

Now a little about the diagram above.  Have you recently noticed an excess of the negative feelings, stress or worry, that are noted on the left side of the chart?  I think it is interesting to look at the labels for the axes.  The more challenging the task, and the less skill one has at working on this task, the greater are the negative feelings.  The converse, which is my goal and what I hope you will achieve through your own efforts and with my help, is the productivity and fulfillment that a challenge well met by excellence in preparation and skill development you will experience.  May you not only experience this at times, but come to have peak experiences, flow of excellence and productivity, each and every day and build more of these qualities throughout your family and community.